Diagnosis

I never wrote what my official diagnosis was in my journal. Dr Z had given Dr X his opinion on my diagnosis as they both have very different styles of assessing patients. They both agreed that this was depression, although at first it was post natal with a question mark. They came to the conclusion that it was in fact not post natal, although the timing of it suggested it could have been (because Bridie was 6mths old), but because of previous hints of it and undiagnosed episodes, they weren't quite content for it to be PND. Infact, Dr Z said he is comfortable in diagnosing my depression as a 10yr old. Dr X wasn't so certain on that (but she never delved into that part of my life like he did to such intensity) and was comfortable with the age of my depressioh starting at 16yrs old. So take your pick on the age. I would say that I was definitely depressed by the time I was 13.

They also diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. If your not sure what this is, or never heard of it, its not a personality as such. BPD is characterised by distressing emotional states, difficulty relating to other people and self-harming behaviour. People with BPD may have extreme behaviour - repeated self-mutilation or taking overdoses of medication. There may be a variety of reasons for such behaviour - The person with BPD may feel that they are dependent on others for their identity or may be afraid of being abandoned. The extreme behaviours are frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Such behaviour is often dismissed as ‘attention-seeking’ or manipulation. However, the behaviour is a symptom of the disorder and requires professional help, as well as education and support for family and other carers.
Although I did not show ALL symptoms of BPD, they do believe I have this personality disorder.

The next was PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). The trauma's that I went through as a child with my lungs, Stephens death etc were all classed as trauma. Ive always thought of PTSD to be given to war veterans and the like but there are so many causes of this....almost anything can be a trauma.

And Anxiety....well, just like BPD this goes along with depression.

My therapy was to treat the depression - the medicine (efexor 300mg, the antidepressant and seroquel - eventually at 100mg, the antipsychotic.) first while starting counselling.

So, in a nut shell, Im not special, Im just one of many but one of a lot less that actually tell their story. There have been many causes to my down fall and also having some predisposition to depression.

Any questions? Dont be afriad to ask.....there are never silly questions.

Just something quick to help you understand depression:

Depression is when your tired and you cannt sleep
Depression is not wanting to live anymore but you still take another breath
Depression is not always suicide
Depression is wanting to be left alone in peace but scared of your own space

Laura