4yrs on

So here I am 4 years on from when I was admitted. Gee time goes fast. 

I had an intake interview with a group therapy coordinator through uni the other week, and, as all intake interviews go, we spoke about my past. 

We spoke about everything that happened as a teenager, then when I was admitted to Mirrabook. 

Her take on what the traumatic event that triggered / was at the start of all my depression (being the peanut in my lung incident) was that it wasn't too long after that (a few years) that the depressive thinking etc started.  So it doesn't have to be 'traumatic' as such but more of a negative 'memorable' event that occurs before the symptoms start.

And as I drew my timeline on the whiteboard for her I realised just how good it is to timeline things - I know it all in my head and when things happened, but seeing it in order was such an eye opener. 

I told her how every now and then I try to force myself out of my body (for those of you who have been there - been mentally ill - you will know what I mean.). I try to make myself 'grow', to float up to the ceiling but I just cannt get it to happen - although I managed to do it once about 12mths ago I think it was - but it didn't last too long and once I was back down into my body I couldn't do it again.  So when I was talking to the coordinator about it she was very impressed that I wasn't trying to avoid or ignore that sort of thing, but that I was actually trying to force it to happen.

The group therapy thing will be great, cannt wait for it to start. I should post about it when it gets started hey. And it is existentialist therapy - very interesting!!!

And I'm 4.7kg off what I weighed 4yrs ago too! How good is that!! I've been focusing so much lately on foods and exercise that I wonder if my perfectionism is going to get out of control or even if its starting to get out of control. I'm so focused on getting below 70kg, and determined to be below 65kg. The saying "exercise to be fit, not skinny' doesn't gell well in my head. Yes I want to be fit, but I want to be skinny (or skinnier), fitness is coming back as I get there :)

Anyway, I'm buggered, just finished a crazy case report.

From the worries of May 2011

From MAY 2011 I wrote in the purpley blue colour the week before we moved to QLD. Here I am 2yrs on and lets see how things have changed.

Oh what a month or so its been!! Our house has sold and we are pretty much all packed ot move to Toowoomba QLD this week. There are so many things Im going to miss but I dont think its going to hit me until a few weeks into being up there. Apart from family and Trina (who is like my bestest friend....she is my rock!!) there are things like:
  Country music radio channel - not out here, but in the city I can until I'm 15km from home, same with abc local radio  
Nick Reinberger on abc radio - my love of Tony delroy has increased - just a shame its so late at night for the quiz  
The girls at Gloria Jeans who know what I order and tell me when Im walking in if Im not going to be able to get a chai latte. - yeah, got nothing! Although Daryl and Anna know what pizza we like when they do them Saturday nights out here :)
Robyn, the check-out chick, from coles who knows my name and my kids names. - still got nothing like that!  
Getting Maja out of the shower on Fridays after the school drop off. Oh Maja, gee I miss knocking on your door and making you get out for a cuppa!  
Walking down to Trina's in my pj's and making myself a cuppa. - nothing can replace this, my beautiful Trina!  
The girls at IMB. - I don't go to a bank anymore, unless its vital like paperwork for a mortgage  
Our next door neighbours, Jim & Yvonne. - Our neighbours are cows, literally! Driving out to Cambie along the mad-mile and checking out whats going on at the sale yards, seeing if Mr Taylors plane is in the hanger. - we have the back road to Meringandan through the farms, I suppose its kind of a mad mile  
Driving over Good Dog Creek and seeing the tree that was uprooted in the 1988/9 flood that is still growing strong! Between here and town there are quite a few creeks and bridges to cross that quite often flood over when it rains enough. Nothing better than driving over Good Dog, I remember it felt like I was home then, now I drive over Cooby creek - 10km from home and that starts to feel like home  
Driving past Jaspers paddock (the horse I use to ride as a kid. Nath bought me a professional photo of his paddock a few yrs back...!) - we have our own paddock :)

Then theres the things like finding a solicitor (found one, but its not the same - we don't them personally and in fact I've never met her, just paid her), 
accountant (nope!), 
vets (love Dr Larry, he understands working dogs), 
pet shop (45min away!), 
doctors (Umesh!!) 
and dentists (well, not yet for me, but for Amy yes)
 ...the list goes on...and a bank...ok, a building society...I dont do the big banks...they would have to pay me to walk into their buildings lol. (Found a building society, but they were rude and very horrible, so now we are using Westpac - hiding my head in shame here!!)

All the things I missed at the beginning have faded and life has completely changed for the good. But I cannt wait to go back to Nowra for a visit - one day!

Arrested Development

     If you had to explain what arrested development (AD) is, could you do it? Do you even know what it is?
If you google AD, the first thing that comes up is a link to wikipedia telling you its a tv series - seemed to be a bit of a flop of a show, but nonetheless, this is not the AD I was looking for. In fact, the entire page 1 of the google search is dedicated to the show, and most of page 2. Obviously, I needed to be more specific. 
Arrested development is a term psychologists and the like use to describe someone who has gone through some sort of trauma, drug abuse, alcohol abuse or something similar and at that point in time in their life is where their development has been arrested. It has been stopped in its tracks. Their development, their brains neurochemicals, their mind, behaviour, speech, responses, motivation and emotions have ceased to continue. 

     Your teenager starts drinking at 14, or drug use starts at 17, or becomes bullemic at 11, anorexic at 19. At that point in time, they cease to develop mentally and emotionally. When teens start using drugs or drinking alcohol during the developmental years, their social and emotional development stops. So a person who started taking drugs at age 14 stays at the social and emotional age of 14. This can manifest by continued risky behavior, poor judgment and not being able to adequately understand the consequences of actions.
You might come across someone at work, at the pub, at the shops, they may be another parent at the school your child/ren attend and you look at them and think "WTF?!". They look grown up, but mentally they have AD.

     The teenage brain  is still developing (personally from a health and psychologist perspective, I believe the brain is still developing right up to the age of 25, and I have medical information to back this up, but that is for another day), and if teens consume drugs or alcohol, they risk causing permanent intellectual and emotional damage, according to the Science and Management of Addictions Foundation. Alcohol consumed during early adolescence can disrupt endocrine development, which regulates mood and reproductive processes. 

     Teens who smoke marijuana performed worse on learning tests and their memory was affected, according to a January 2009 study published in Clinical EEG and Neuroscience. Stanton Glantz, director of the University of California at San Francisco’s Center for Tobacco Control Research and Education, told ABC News that psychoactive substances are “messing with the brain as it’s developing.” But we know this already, its not new news, its old, but one that still needs attention because there are just far too many parents out there who think its funny to offer their 13yr old daughter alcohol shots because "she needs to make her own choices in life, and if she is going to do it, I want to know".

     One out of four people who starts using drugs or alcohol as a teenager becomes addicted, according to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, reported ABC News. Teens don’t have positive life prospects if they become addicted. Because the brain is still developing during adolescence, it is more sensitive to substances, which increases the risk of addiction, and there we have it - arrested development.

Now, here comes the part where I start getting a little more technical. Remember, neuroscience is my love, amazingly facinating and something everyone should have some idea on how it all works. I've tried to make it interesting, less sciencey and boring, I hope you can understand it: 

 

•Although most of the brain material and size is in place at the start of adolescence, several important developmental processes continue .

•If all goes well, the brain will be a much more efficient organ at the end of a healthy adolescence.
 
•One process is myelination.  The axons connecting brain cells across which electrical impulses travel continue to become ensheathed in a fatty substance called myelin.  This compound  insulates axons and speeds the relay of electric impulses within the brain, helping thinking, decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation mature.
 
•Another process is synaptic refinement. At the start of adolescence, we have billions of brain cells, each with tens of thousands of connections to other brain cells.  Not all these connections are actually needed, and the unnecessary ones become  eliminated.  This elimination process is shaped by the young person’s activities and experiences, and, as with myelination, it helps the brain work more efficiently.
 
•MRI studies reveal ongoing brain maturation during late childhood and early adulthood. Early MRI studies suggest regionally varying volume decreases in gray matter of the cortex and subcortical nuclei). More recent studies provide more anatomical detail, emphasize the effects of ongoing myelination and employ mapping methods for visualizing the pattern of age-related change. 
 
•Exposure to alcohol and other drugs during adolescence may alter the function of frontal-striatal and limbic circuits to interact with this pattern of ongoing brain maturation during late adolescence and early adulthood.

So to avoid AD, remember this:

P = Promote activities that capitalise on the strengths of the developing brain.

A = Assist children with challenges that require planning.

R = Reinforce their seeking advice from adults; teach decision making.

E =  Encourage a lifestyle that promotes good brain development.

N = Never underestimate the effects of alcohol on the developing brain.

T = Tolerate the “oops” behaviors due to an immature brain.