My story is nothing special but I know that it will help someone out there to get through depression or help someone understand a little more on what its like to live with such an illness.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

My journals from yr9....

So I thought that before they got packed away for who knows how long that I would add some of my journals from a long time ago. Most of them have been destroyed but I have saved a couple of them. I use to write them to Sara....the name I had picked out for my daughter, but that hasn't happened lol.

Tueday 12th March 1996

Dear Sara, this morning when Brooke and I went for a walk , we were just about near the shop to g on Rouse Ave and this guy who was heading to work hit a dog. Charles come out and went right off at the guy. Ros H was just where we were walking too, she didnt really know what had happened but said she would ring the police. The dog is ok. We thought it actually got run over but it got hit. The poor dog was in pain though. It was Charles' dog (Charles use to own the shop in Cambewarra and use to cook the best hot chips for $2!!).
Nothing fab happened today, in P.E we played this game like cricket but we had 17 minutes for each team to get as many runs as we could. We won 75-74!!
Training was good. Cannt wait til the competition this weekend.
Gran came down just before I went to training.

Wednesday 13th March
Dear Sara, Brooke and I didnt go for a walk today. School was ok again. We talked about the excersion for a while and then we started a new topic - bushrangers.
Piano was excellent. We fixed up 'Man From Snowy River'. On the bus, jess had this absolutely thick book full of classical pieces, it even had 7th grade pieces in it so she is going  to photocopy some for me.

Friday 15th march
Dear Sara, this is how my day went:
Science
Art
recess
Listening to this guy in assembly on how to understand your teenager
lunch
sport - bowling - got 2 strikes!!
We all went to Di's and looked at the results from Sunday. The fastest runner ran 5km in 13min, He must have cheated! They came 5th out of 500 or more!!
I just cut mt thick stockings for training to make them a whole boot stocking.

Saturday 16th March (hot and stormy)
Dear Sara, Steven went skating today. Kaylee liked my thick stockings too. I had an orange juice and a chocolate sundae for lunch.
All my axels on my skates are broken. Bruno told me to leave them here over night so he could fix them for tomorrow. Mum doesn't know they are borken.
Gary, Steven, Jay and Joel kept hanging around us all arvo. Gary kept telling me not to go psycho over my skates being broken. I got blisters from Bedelia's skates cos Bruno was putting in one of the axels for me.
I told Gary I had a black belt in karate and that mums got a yellow belt in judo (that part is true!). he told me that if I did do karate to show him something but I said that you only do something when you need to so he had my arm twisted and I kicked him in the shin with my skates hahaha.
Jay said he would come and watch tomorrow. Hope my skates feel the same.

Sunday 17th march
Dear Sara, I got up at 7am to get ready for the comp. I couldn't sleep last night.
Bruno has made my skates worse! They more wobbly and he's done them up so tight that noone can loosen them to do something to 'em. If Bruno tells me that I still have to pay $20 well he's not getting it. Id rather get a new plate (I need new ones anyway cos my skates are 12-13yrs old).
My figures were really wobbly cos of my skates. My routine was good but I didnt place. Steven and Gary were there for the presentation. I wasnt allowed to stay for the session. I watched the rest of the cricket from Thursday night then I watched 'The Silver Brumby'.

Monday 18th March
I told Kylie that I like Joel (my goodness me I had the biggest crush on him hey!!). I kinda like Jared too but I never get to see him, but I know he lives in Panania. You shoulda seen Kylies face. Shes going to ring Steven tonight to ask him out for me. Renee was talking to Cameron on the bus and I heard her say that 'Joel and his gf were there' (her older brother Sean was friends with that bunch of guys). Not sure if she was talking about my Joel or the joel from her school. Kylie said she will ring tonight,
Ive had a science test, It was ok.
Jess Beaver pierced her own nose. Musta hurt like crazy!
Wrote a 4 page letter to Martene too.

Tuesday 19th March
Dear Sara, still love Joel. We won cricket by 1 run!!
Nothing much happened at school.
I cannt wait to see Joel again on Saturday. Hope he's there.
Piano was good. 'My from Snowy River' is my best extra for the exam.

Ok, so I wrote in my diary every day about Joel, joel, Joel.....far out! I think I might skip a few hundred pages lol.

Saturday 23rd March
Dear Sara, only 4 days til our Sovereign Hill excersion including today!
i got that RipCurl shirt I wanted. It was $44.60.
Went skating, Kylies dad was putting the plates for her new skates. Gary kept calling me fat albert so I told him I was going to become anorexic and it would be his fault. He kept saying sorry after that and hugging me.
I did the routine that I made up on cardboard and it made me heaps thirsty so Gary got me a drink from the canteen. I was leaning over the counter and we almost kissed hey. He asked me why I was going to be anorexic and I said 'I dont know' I told Gary, who told Steven, who told Jay that I like Joel. Gary was heaps jealous and kept getting real close to me. Hes kinda hot hey. Kinda real hot and gives me heaps more attention than Joel.
Joel came! When kylie and I went to maccas I told Gary to tell Joel that I like him. Gary put his hands on my hands cos i was holding on to the rail. He was looking at me like he was thinking 'no way i want ya'.

At Mcdonalds I bought an orange juice and a chocolate sundae, my 2 fave things.
I ate half my undae cos it tasted gross and I had to go to the dunny, Gary asked me if I was going to go throw up cos hes heaps worried now and made Kylie follow me to make sure I was good. Kylie reckons he likes me. Gary asked Joel out for me but he said that he likes older girls and doesn't really know me.
When I was taking my skates off to leave Gary asked if I was going to give him a goodbye kiss! He asked if I was going to karate but I said I had to babysit.

So Im going to leave it there. Far out man....15yr old girls and their crushes on guys!!!!! I soooo remember all this happening too. Can still remember the look in Gary's eyes. Kinda glad I never got involved in that group too much. Jay was on heroin, Gary and Steven ended up big drug addicts, who knows what happened to Joel. Ive seen Gary around town since these days but not for a long time. he looked really messed up. Ive seen Sean too, he spent some time in Jail for stuff and looks slightly messed up too.

Maybe Ill try my next journal another time....or find another part of this journal that isn't so boy orientated, or maybe its all like this. Im not pre-reading before I type away....Im typing as I read it lol.

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